This weekend it was the parents of the Kaposvár 2. group who met to discuss different types of parental behaviour, namely success orientation and the avoidance of failure and letdowns with psychologist Mónika Szigeti.The first thing we learnt was the definition of success-oriented and failure-avoiding behaviour and what is there between the two poles: seeking of failures, that is, the deflection of responsibility.
I think that a lot of important things and examples were mentioned this afternoon, and these revealed that it’s not just observed patterns that influence behaviour, but our tempers and personality traits have a say in it too. We saw the problems each extremity can cause and how it can lead to anxiety and how children’s lives can be entangled in it. This ends up in something that dearly needs support and solutions to get away from.
We learnt with the help of everyday personal examples how a parent can help their children get over a failure or a letdown and how we can help them set out reasonable, attainable targets, for which they have to fight a little to get there.
We also talked about how the parent’s example is vitally important for the children, be it getting over failures or achieving goals. Not only that, however, as the schoolmates also leave a great impression on the children’s behaviour.
We talked, even debated, to great lengths, about the role of the school in this whole process, with the effects and responsibility it has for children’s performance, and the teachers, who sometimes set out unachievable goals or levels of performance for their pupils.
Anxiety ’caused’ by the school (more precisely, triggered by grades, exams and tests) is a hot topic in every family that is involved somehow with the educational system, no matter if the child is success-oriented or failure-avoidant.
Ildikó Árok-Vörös